Neji's Dream
by AquaSkye16
Summary: R&R. Neji's dream...featuring the Hair Wars, Smiley faces, black holes, and...WHAT! Hinata in a bikini! Something is seriously wrong here. Note: Not NejiXHinata.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Neji's Dream**_

Chapter One: Hair War I and Hair War II

Neji sighed and opened up the door to his room. He was exhausted, and he dearly needed some sleep. He plopped on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. It looked a lot like…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Neji was falling through the dimensions of space and time. He fell down hard on his bottom and yelled.

"Oh, Lysander dear!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Neji fell down, with someone…something clamped around his middle. He looked down. He had a human corset.

"OH, LYSANDER DEAR!" It, to his horror, was Shikamaru, with a VERY long pineapple ponytail that could practically kill somebody. In fact, it had the corpse of some civilian on the end.

"Unhand my woman, you rogue!" Tenten, with her hair tied up into some sort of samurai bun, pointed at him. "Unhand the fairest Hermia!"

"OH DEMETRIUS!" Someone came up and clamped onto Tenten. It was Hinata.

"LET ME GO, YOU WITCH HELENA!"

So everyone had names now. Neji picked his mind while struggling to undo the whalebones/Shikamaru clamped around his middle.

"WAIT! THIS IS MIDSUMMER'S NIGHT DREAM, THE FAMOUS COMEDY BY SHAKESPEARE! WAIT, HINATA-SAMA! DO NOT DO THIS PLAY IT INVOLVES YOU KISSIN—NNNNOOOOOOOO!!! HIASHI WILL KILL ME!"

Hinata had already latched her lips on Tenten's…well, cheek. She missed.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" Tenten yelled. "THE WITCH, STOLEN MY FIRST KISS!"

Neji was crying now. Hiashi was going to kill him for the following reasons:

He had let Hinata have her first kiss

He had been with her when she did

She had her first kiss with a girl

A girl that happened to be his teammate, Tenten

Who he told Hiashi was talented and sane

Neji cried.

"YOU CALL THAT LAME EXCUSE FOR A KISS A KISS?" Hinata leaned in again.

"I apologize, Shikamaru!" Neji cut Shikamaru's arms from him with a kunai. Shikamaru screamed. He bled…jelly.

Neji ran to Hinata and restrained her, and then watched the jelly form on the ground…into…people. Ino, Chouji, Lee, Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, Shino, Kiba, Gaara, Temari, and Kankurou, to be correct. They were split up into three groups.

"I am Ino! I am the leader of the Great Hair band! Join us, Neji! With your ponytail we can beat all!" Ino said. "I shall give you the reasons! I am Ino! I am great! With my slicing knife/huge and attractive bang I can beat all of my opponents!"

"I am Lee! I am the youthful follower in the Great Hair Band! Join us, Neji! I am Lee, with my great mushroom haircut that can expand, I am shielded from all attacks! It is also very manly!"

"GOOD JOB, LEE!" a voice said from out of nowhere.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"I am Chouji! I am a follower in the Great Hair Band! Join us, Neji! I am Chouji, and with my two spikes on either side of my head I can attack two opponents at once! It is also very cool!"

"I am Temari! I am a follower in the Great Hair Band, but I will soon be empress! Join us, Neji! I am Temari, and with my four great pigtails I am invulnerable!"

"I am Shikamaru!" Shikamaru got up, smiling, and for some reason with his arms again. "I am a follower in the Great Hair band! Join us, Neji! I am Shikamaru, and with my great pineapple ponytail of doom I can crush all of my adversaries!"

"Don't join Ino-pig, Neji! I am Sakura! I am the leader of the Large Forehead band! I am Sakura, and with my wondrous beauty I can distract my opponents while I finish them!"

"I am Sasuke…hn…"

"Just like we practiced, Sasuke-kun!"

"I am Sasuke! I am a follower of the beautiful Sakura! I am Sasuke, and the sun glints off my hitai-ate and blinds my opponent while I finish them!"

"I am Naruto! I am a servant of the beautiful Sakura! I am Naruto, and I fan Sakura!"

"That guy," Sakura pointed, "Is Shino. He attacks people with his man-eating bugs."

"I'm Kankurou! I am a follower of the beautiful Sakura! I am Kankurou, and with my great ugliness I distract my opponents while I finish them!"

"I'm Kiba," Kiba pointed at Gaara. "And this is Gaara. We're neutral because both sides are led by bloodthirsty females."

Gaara nodded. "YOU HAVE MOUNTAIN DEW, CUZ!?"

Neji stared. And stared. And stared. And stared until the world became square.

"TWIN RISING DRAGONS!" Tenten yelled and then the rest of the people, the Neutrals, the Great Hair Band and the Large Forehead band disappeared. Except Shikamaru, who latched back onto Neji. Neji crawled over to Hinata. Then Hinata jumped up and yelled, "NEJI! I LOVE YOU NEJI!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Tenten bounced up. "NEJI! I HATE YOU NEJI!"

Neji groaned. And then Shikamaru squeezed him to death and he was hurtling through space and time again. He landed, plop, on his face.

He looked up. Tenten was walking up wearing a long robe. Her head was very shiny. She was bald. Ino and Hinata came up, too, bald (except Ino had a huge and attractive bang.) Sakura came up, too. She was bald. Temari, too, and the girl, Kin, bald as little babies. Tenten took out a razor. The baldiness shined and blinded Neji. Then he heard a war cry.

"FOR THE HAIR AND THE BOYS!"

"FOR THE BALDINESS AND THE GIRLS!"

Kiba, with a great shaggy mane and samurai clothing ran up, followed by Naruto with long, spiky hair, Shino with a great afro, Shikamaru with his huge pineapple ponytail, Kankurou with a great, great large Mohawk, and Lee, or what looked like Lee, with a very, very large mushroom haircut that covered his body.

"SURRENDER, AND GROW HAIR ONCE MORE!" Kiba shouted.

"NEVER!"

Neji noticed that Gaara, Sasuke, Chouji, Zaku, and Dosu were staying clear away from the fight going on.

"YOU WILL NOT SHAVE NEJI'S GLORIOUS HAIR OFF! IT IS VERY GLORIOUS!" Kankurou shouted.

"WE WILL AND HE WILL BECOME A NUN!" Hinata yelled.

"YOU MEAN A MONK?"

"Wait, Neji's a boy?" Sakura asked. "Wait…but that long ponytail…and the ribbon…like Kin's until she succumbed to being a nun…"

"HE HAS TO BE! PEOPLE MUST HAVE JUST MISTAKEN HIM AS A BOY AT BIRTH!" Kin shouted.

A very large vein was ticking in Neji's forehead, and now it exploded. Sakura and Kin lay dead on the ground within minutes.

"IT IS A VERY MANLY PONYTAIL!"

"YOU HAVE TRICKED HIM! YOU HAVE MADE HIM TURN AGAINST HIS OWN!" Tenten cried. "LIARS! LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE SITTING ON A TELEPHONE WIRE!"

"WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD SIT ON A TELEPHONE WIRE?!"

"BIRDS!"

"OKAY! GO MEDITATE!"

"NEVER! THIS IS WAR, YOU EVIL WAR CAUSING BOYS!"

"FINE THEN!"

The girls, or what remained of them, threw off their robes. Neji looked away. Then he peeked. There they stood, clad in armor like that of knights in the Middle Ages.

"PERVERT!" Tenten threw something at him. It was the razor. It hacked off the bottom half of his ponytail.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"THIS IS WAR!" the boys and the girls began to fight. The spectators, or Gaara, Sasuke, Chouji, Dosu and Zaku watched.

"Byakugan!" Neji activated his veiny eyes. Perhaps he'd be able to kill them all without getting a scratch.

Then he saw a huge, huge smiley face, and it got bigger and then its mouth opened and swallowed him. He screamed.

"SMILEY FACE!"

He was hurtling through space and time once more, and landed with a sickening plop.

"NEJI!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Neji's Dream**_

Chapter Two: Much screaming is to be done!

"NEJI!"

Neji opened his eyes VERY slowly. And guess who was standing there?

"My name is Harry Potter!"

Kankurou stood there with a very large lightning shaped scar painted on his forehead.

"My name is Ron Weasel!" Gaara was beside him, and beside him was Temari…with a huge book. "My name is Hermione Granger!"

Neji screamed. He hated Harry Potter.

"I AM GOING TO WHACK YOU WITH MY HUMONGOUS BOOK NOW!" Temari hit him with her book, and he was smacked into another dimension beyond space and time.

He landed. He looked around, and then stood up with difficulty. It was as if…he was being restrained. He looked down. He was wearing a gown. A very dark red gown with wine stains on it. He screamed.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Tenten emerged out of nowhere wearing a very bad Dracula costume. "I VANT TO SUCK YOUR VLOOD!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Neji screamed.

"GIVE ME BACK MY RED DRESS YOU FREAKAZOID!" Ino charged onstage, with two very LARGE KNIVES. Neji screamed and began to run around the best he could. "YOU DRINK WINE! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Then he stopped and turned around. Ino was wearing a Chinese dress, a blue one, and had her hair tied up in two buns. He looked at Tenten. Well, she looked like Dracula. Dracula ran onstage. He had a very, very, very large bang and a very, very, very large ponytail. Neji screamed and turned around, just to run into a wall. He was tumbling through space and time again.

"Nejina-chan!" Neji fluttered his eyes open prettily.

Tenten, with short brown hair, looked down at him. "You took a nap, Nejina!"

"Wha—WHAT?!"

"'Tis I, your betrothed, Tenteno!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"Sakuron!" Tenteno waved at the approaching pink-haired boy. "You are with your fiancée, Sasuka!"

Sasuke with very long chicken hair came up. Neji bounced up and looked at himself. His hair was long and curly and tied in two braids. He was wearing a mini-skirt and a VERY REVEALING tight top. He screamed.

"Nejina, you sure like to scream," Tenteno said. "Temaro! And Shikamari!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! PERVERTS! PERVERTS ALL!"

"Oh, Tenteno," Hinata came up. At least she was the right gender, but…

SHE WAS WEARING A BIKINI.

Nejina screamed and ran around. Sasuka screamed and followed him. Shikamari screamed and followed the little band of boys/girls. Hinata strutted up, runway model fashion and asked hotly, "Where is my beloved? Where is Inu?"

"HERE I AM, MY LOVED HINATA!" Ino appeared, with short hair and a huge, huge bang.

"INU!"

"PERVERTS! PERVERTED WORLD! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"INU MY LOVED!"

"HINATA! I WILL NOT SURRENDER YOU!" Naruto wearing a very long skirt appeared. "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THE SUN ITSELF!"

"I HATE YOU NARUTA!"

"HINATA-CHAN!"

Naruto waddled some more and then fell flat on his face. Sakuro laughed.

"NAARRUTTAA ISSS VERRY CLUMSYYY," he said in a very manly voice.

"Oh, Sakuro!" Sasuka said with great love.

"SSSAAASSSUUUKKKKAAA!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"Nejina! Please, I beg of you, stop so that I might ask you what is wrong, my dearest!" Tenteno cried.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! PERVERTS! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! HINATA-SAMA, PLEASE, CHANGE AT ONCE! NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!"

Nejina then went and fell right smack into a big hole that appeared out of nowhere.

And all at once Neji was back in his bed. Neji got up and turned on the light. This room did not look familiar. Nor did that body next to him. Neji screamed. Tenten screamed.

"DON'T! I AM NOT YOUR BETROTHED TENTENO!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM NEJI!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I'M SLEEPING IN A GIRL'S ROOM AND I'M ONLY THIRTEEN!"

He ran outside and all the way back to the Hyuuga household in only a T-shirt and his boxers.

"Weirdo," Sasuke said.


End file.
